he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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