the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
