So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
