I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
