God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
there is glitter all over my balls
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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