So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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