I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
