Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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