i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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