Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
