i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
