I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
