the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's blow job season.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
