I think I died a long time ago.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
