they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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