i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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