We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my phone needs a breathalizer
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
