Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
