Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
