It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
