You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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