I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
