I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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