OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
