matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
