last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
