I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
