Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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