There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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