It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
