Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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