just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
