you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
