Kiss
Puke
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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