Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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