And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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