The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
