Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
