areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I died a long time ago.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
