Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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