Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
