He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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