between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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