Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
