you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
