Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
