Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
