i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
