arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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