His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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